Rise and Shine
by Eto Demerzel
Summary: Knock Out's thoughts and feelings regarding Starscream and how it affected his actions. Set during the second half of season 3, so a lot of spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

I

"You're no Breakdown, though I must confess I have always admired your lustrous finish."

Starscream's shocked yet humble face gave Knock Out an intense tingling in his spine, and he looked away. And at that very moment, Knock Out realized what had made him say that, why he felt those were the right and most important words to say to Starscream were they to die in this here and now.

He had a flashback to when Starscream was in command of the Decepticons and Megatron was lying as a piece of scrap on his operating table. Starscream approached him about Megatron's state, implying he wished Megatron to stay that way, or better yet, be terminated completely. Knock Out saw his chance, and implied to Starscream that he wished to be second in command under Starscream. He did not think anything back then about why he really wanted to have that position – it seemed only natural for any of the higher-ranked Decepticons to want to rise in the ranks, they all did. Of course, even then he knew somewhere in the back of his head that there was more to it in his case, but he did not acknowledge it or even realize there was anything to acknowledge. Nor did he question why he felt that Megatron's demise would be a positive thing. He had only acted on his feelings, as he always did.

But now it all seemed clear. Of course he wanted to get rid of Megatron; Megatron was always the focus of everything Starscream did. Starscream's only calling was Megatron, be it through love, fear, or hate. Not only did Knock Out hate Megatron for treating Starscream so badly, but because he felt like Starscream was obsessively bound by Megatron forever. Knock Out wanted so deeply to see Starscream act out his potential without it being driven by his feelings towards Megatron. For once, he wanted to see Starscream take command, not because he wanted revenge on Megatron or to please him, but only for taking command in itself.

He had always wanted for Starscream to be happy, but for as long as Starscream only cared for Megatron, Knock Out saw no way for him to ever be genuinely happy. Megatron's approval of Starscream's competence only created a fleeting and false happiness, and the same went for the revenges Starscream inflicted on Megatron.

And this was all because of that one feeling that he had felt for only one other person. He had loved Breakdown – there was no question about it. They had teamed up on Cybertron and was a great team too, in the battlefield as well as in the lab. Interfacing was one of their favorite pastimes, and having been at it for so long together, they had known each others bodies intimately. But however deeply he had loved and still loved Breakdown it did not affect the fact that he loved another Cybertronian too.

But Knock Out and Starscream weren't equals like he and Breakdown had been, and as things had turned out, never would be. It was way too late for that now, since Starscream had come back to Megatron, begging on his knees to be accepted back on the ship. If it weren't for those meddling Autobots they could have managed to get rid of Megatron back when they had the chance, and he could have been serving under _Lord_ Starscream, seeing him in his full potential, with Breakdown still alive, and without Shockwave to steal his position.

But he knew that Starscream would never again give up Megatron. Yet Knock Out could not help to still harbor these feelings towards Starscream. And having stated them almost plainly.. Starscream of course knew of him and Breakdown, and having compared them like this.. He felt embarrassed, because he realized Starscream probably understood the implications of what he had just said. And if they did survive, which was probable, would it change anything between them?


	2. Chapter 2

II

Things had only gotten worse for Knock Out.

Nothing had changed between him and Starscream, a fact that didn't really shock him. Starscream was his same Megatron-obsessed self, with no regard for anyone else. It seemed that the knowledge of someone actually caring about him was not knowledge he cared about. Yet Knock Out could not give up Starscream just yet. He still saw glimpses of that hidden potential, and in those few moments when they were alone, Starscream would seem a bit less tense, a bit less scared, and those moments were still worth all the trouble.

But Knock Out had literally been degraded into Shockwave's lab-assistant, doing no real research himself, only fetching tools and the like for Megatron's new favorite servant. Of course Shockwave was more competent than Knock Out, but he was also older, had more training, and had had a lot more time on his hands to focus solely on his research. It felt unfair to Knock Out, having been shoved aside, when he was just as eager to explore and learn and please.

And while he was treated like scrap by everyone around him, that darned Autobot medic had actually thanked him with a smile for a small favor, only to serve as a contrast to highlight how badly he was treated around the ship.

And now that very same medic had gotten backup unto the ship. Megatron had gone to face Optimus Prime with his saber. Starscream had gone to lead the Vehicons. And he, what could he do? Whatever he did these days he seemed to be in the way of someone. And even though the prospects seemed pretty good for the Decepticons, the Autobots always managed to ruin something for them. So why not try to join with the Autobots? Megatron would never die, Starscream would never change, Shockwave would never let him do anything on his own. He had never felt any strong attachment to the Decepticon-cause anyway, and mostly sided with them because of the freedom to be a little sadistic and experiment without restraint. But now that that was lost too, he would rather be with the side always facing imminent destruction than continue on like this.


	3. Chapter 3

III

His plan of joining with the Autobots had not turned out quite as planned.

As he suspected, Megatron's plans had been shattered by the Autobots, who even managed to kill him for good this time, despite the odds. Leaving the Decepticons now was not a big deal – if the Autobots had welcomed him. He didn't really blame them for not trusting him immediately, they had good reason for it. But they wouldn't even give him a chance, and as a prisoner, was not given anything beyond sustenance. He did what he could to convince them – giving them useful information, not trying to escape, behaving well. But so far it hadn't changed anything, and he felt lonely and lost.

And then Starscream showed up. Knock Out couldn't believe his eyes. He had had no idea what had happened to Starscream after Megatron died, but he did not expect him to be in perfect shape, uncaptured, on Cybertron, and infiltrating the warship. And he had come to free Knock Out and the Vehicons.

Knock Out felt so relieved, not only because he would be freed, but because he had wondered about what happened to Starscream. And now, with Megatron gone, there was a real chance of everything he had hoped for before to come true. He burst out in joy, "Starscream, thank the stars! We can finally escape this dreaded ship." That, of course, was not Starscream's plan, but Knock Out did not mind, as long as he was with someone who didn't want to keep him imprisoned.

After grabbing the relics needed to overthrow the Autobots, they went to the bridge. Knock Out felt perfectly at home, being under Starscream's command again.

Until he was disillusioned by Starscream as to how things would _really_ be.

Even as a prisoner, Knock Out had been treated with a kind of respect. Even if the Autobots wouldn't listen to a long speech in his defense, they treated him as an equal, as a fellow Cybertronian. And now, when Knock Out made just a quick comment to spite the Autobots, Starscream lashed out against him.

"Shut up, you!", Starscream shouted!

At him! Him, Knock Out, the only one who had stood by Starscream's side after everything! Yet, he shouldn't have been surprised, and he knew that. Thinking back, even under that short while of being Starscream's second in command back on Earth, Starscream had been violent towards him, not appreciating anything he did. There was no way anything would be different now, not when Starscream was this desperate and ruined. He would never see and appreciate Knock Out, not even with Megatron gone.

Knock Out's thoughts were racing. What had he gotten himself into? What would he do?

When Bumblebee suddenly attacked Starscream, Knock Out jumped back, still unsure of how to react to anything, and did not attempt to help Starscream. Suddenly having a gun pointed to his head woke him up from the shock of sudden existential crisis and he realized what he had to do.

Still armed with the phase shifter, Knock Out reached through Starscream (what an odd feeling), snatching the stick that looked like the immobalizer from the grip of the fighting cybertronians, and hit Starscream as hard as he could in the head, knocking him out and getting all that anger and disappointment out of his system.

"Now will you believe I'm joining the winning team?" he said, knowing in his spark that there was nothing that could ever change his mind in that respect now, not even Starscream.


	4. Chapter 4

IV

"Why did you do it, Knock Out? Why'd you turn against Starscream?"

Without hesitation Knock Out answered Arcee;

"Even if I had helped him seize this ship he would've probably just fired me out of the first airlock!"

He imagined that situation; Starscream getting sick of Knock Out having a will of his own, of not hovering constantly, of not pleasing him at every cost – of not being what Starscream had been to Megatron – and ordering the Vehicons to get rid of him, with a smug smile on his face.

"Oh, and he's rude."

Knock Out knew he had a long way to go before he would be fully trusted by the Autobots, but he was okay with that, now that he had finally decided to fully let go of Starscream. Starscream could never have given him what he wanted and needed, and Starscream didn't want anything else than Megatron's approval – any needs of his own were never acknowledged. No matter Starscream's humbled look when Knock Out confessed his feelings, Starscream would never fully understand the depth of what he felt, and could never have been what Knock Out wished for him to be. He missed Breakdown terribly, and felt very lonely among this new company, not yet his friends. But he knew he would manage, and he was happy with his choices, free from regret, with a growing sense of self-esteem.


End file.
